Toronto mother champions free-range parenting despite judgment from others

TORONTO · Claudia Mokbel, a Toronto mother of two, has allowed her children to explore their neighbourhood without an adult for roughly two years. Inspired by the free-range parenting movement, she lets her 10- and eight-year-old children visit friends, play at the local park and ride their bikes. "I do feel judged, quite a lot. But I don't want my kids thinking that outside is a threat, because it's not. It's a public space and they belong there, with a whole world to discover," Mokbel said. She wants her children to experience the kind of childhood she remembers, filled with neighbourhood adventures.

Quieting her own anxiety about her kids' safety remains a challenge, but she sees the benefits. "It's always top of mind, but I see how a little independence here and there has helped with their development, their critical thinking, their problem solving, their ability to self-monitor, self-regulate," she said. Her daughter proudly noted she is allowed to walk to a nearby ice-cream store with her brother. "That makes me feel free, and capable, and really independent. I feel like I'm trusted, which is cool."

This level of independence is increasingly rare. A 2012 British study showed a dramatic decline in children's freedom. In 1971, 86 per cent of primary-school children aged seven to 11 were allowed to travel home from school without an adult. By 1990, that figure had fallen to 35 per cent, and by 2010 to just 25 per cent. A Canadian study published last year found that of more than 10,000 adolescents surveyed, 36 per cent reported no outdoor physical activity in their free time over the previous week.

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Mariana Brussoni, a developmental psychologist at the University of British Columbia, said parents have become so focused on protecting children from danger that they sometimes overlook the benefits of letting them take manageable risks. "It's never been safer to be a kid," she said, pointing to the decline in child injury mortality over the past decades. She explained that parents are so concerned with certain perceived threats, like stranger abductions, that they aren't allowing kids to explore. Stranger abductions account for 0.04 per cent of missing-child reports in Canada.

Brussoni noted that over a 23-year period, no child has died from falling out of a tree in Canada, while hundreds died in motor-vehicle incidents. She calls the tendency to give vague warnings like "be careful" a form of "fear-based caregiving." "We are trying to manage that fear in ourselves rather than thinking about what's best for the child that's in front of us," she said. She emphasized that a vague warning could distract a child and communicate a lack of trust in their judgment.

Rather than prescribing a specific age for unsupervised play, Brussoni stresses the importance of context, including the child's abilities and the environment. "It's really about slowly building those skills up through risky play, and allowing your kid to microdose uncertainty in a relatively safe context," she said. She added that parents often feel more comfortable letting children roam on Halloween because of the community presence. "You've got eyes on the street," she explained.

For one evening, a collective agreement exists that children belong outside, with a neighbourhood keeping watch. But the freedom often vanishes the next day. The thought of giving children independence year-round remains daunting for many parents, who have come to view the outside world as a threat. Experts and parents like Mokbel suggest that a little freedom, supported by a watchful community, might be one of the best gifts for a child's development.

With files from The Globe and Mail