Writer argues parents should teach children to talk to strangers

A Canadian writer is urging parents to reconsider the old advice that children should not talk to strangers, arguing that teaching children how to interact with unknown adults is a crucial life skill. Katherine Johnson Martinko says the conventional advice is misguided and can leave children unprepared for real-world situations. She suggests the focus should be on teaching kids not to go off with strangers, while encouraging polite conversation. Martinko's perspective is informed by a personal experience where her son, then 11, got separated from her in a Toronto parking garage.

Her son entered an elevator without her and found himself alone. When a woman entered the elevator at the next stop, he told her he had lost his family. She said, "Okay, let's start at P1," and that's how they found us, Martinko wrote. The woman reassured Martinko, calling out, "Don't worry! I'm a mom, too. I wasn't going to leave him till we found you." Martinko said she remains grateful to that stranger and proud of her son for speaking up.

She contends that teaching children to speak to strangers creates a friendlier and more realistic worldview. Telling a child that anyone they don't know could harm them is not only anxiety-inducing but inaccurate, she writes. According to the National Centre for Missing Persons and Unidentified Remains, less than 10 per cent of child abductions in Canada in 2025 were conducted by a stranger. Martinko argues that a better message is that strangers are not dangerous, dangerous people are dangerous.

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Regular interaction with strangers, starting from a young age with a parent present, helps children learn to read social cues and body language, Martinko says. This practice allows them to detect traits like kindness, patience, or creepiness. It also teaches them how to extricate themselves from uncomfortable situations. This ability will instill them with confidence, which empowers and protects, because a self-assured child is a less appealing victim than one paralyzed by fear, she wrote.

Martinko cites a campaign called Talk to a Stranger Week, which claims more than 90 per cent of Canadians find speaking to a stranger a positive experience for both individuals. Those who speak to strangers report being three times happier than those who don't, she notes. The benefits, she writes, include improved cognitive performance, greater optimism, empathy, compassion and decreased loneliness. She laments a shift away from what sociologist Frank Furedi called adult solidarity, where adults in a community assume some public responsibility for children's welfare. When parents assume ill intent from all strangers, they isolate themselves and feel compelled to keep children physically close, Martinko argues. This can stunt opportunities for growth and push children to seek greater independence online, she warns.

Martinko advises parents not to get angry when a stranger speaks to their child, but to welcome the interaction as training for real life. She recommends teaching children to make eye contact, introduce themselves, and ask and answer questions. If they can make small talk in a safe setting, they're less likely to freeze up under stress, she wrote. Her upcoming book, Hold the Phone: How Parents Can Rescue Their Kids From Too Much Screen Time, is scheduled for release in November.

With files from The Globe and Mail